🔗 Share this article

The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {